My head is an ocean.
I keep getting lost amongst the waves.
I'm swept away by the current.
Gasping for air, I just swallow the salty water.
Coughing and choking I'm disoriented.
I'm going to drown.
Save me from the undertow.
Where is my deserted island?
Oh how I long to crash into its shore.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The mysterious disappearance of Tyson...
I haven't heard from Tyson in almost three months. Weird. We use to be so close--inseparable. He doesn't like Craig. He thinks I can do better.
Tyson got a dog. The only reasons I know this is because I can hear it barking when he's not home and I have seen it sitting in the window of his apartment waiting on him. Small thing it is. Not sure the breed. I've heard that he named him Cheese.
He stopped answering my phone calls and text messages and then one day I noticed that he had deleted me from his friends list on that stupid social networking site. That really bothered me. It bothered me for more than one reason. I was bothered because I realized that I didn't even notice when he did that. I was bothered because until then I was unaware that he and I even had an issue, let alone one grand enough to cause him to delete me from his life. I was bothered that it even bothered me. Something so small and stupid as a social networking site signified something so huge and he didn't even have the nuts to come and speak to me about it. What could I have possibly done to merit this exodus without so much as an explanation? What happened to "Will and Grace"?
My mind drifts back to the last vivid memory I have of hanging out with Tyson...he had finally decided to return his empty beer bottle collection and about $20 worth of his collection had been taking up space in my storage unit in the basement for a couple of months. He knocked on my apartment door and I immediately knew who it was from the familiar rapping. He was all out of breath. Hair all messed up. Sweaty. Wearing the same T-shirt I was sure he wore three days before that when I was at his apartment smoking and swearing on his couch while he played video games. I opened my storage unit for him and watched as he loaded up the bed of his buddy's truck with what I guessed was $150 in glass bottle returns. Giving nothing away that something was bothering him. No inkling whatsoever. That was the last time I saw him.
I must have missed something. Scanning my memory banks, I recalled the night a couple days prior to that last encounter. Yes I was sitting on his couch venting about something....but what was it?? Was it something important? Did something I said that night piss him off?? Think, Leila! What was the topic of that last smoking-on-the-couch-and-swearing session? Then it hit me.
"He'll never be any different! People like him just don't change!"
I had just started seeing Craig and was confiding in Tyson all the things about him that I could never tell Pheobe. All the things that only Tyson could possibly understand--only he obviously didn't understand. Craig has a little bit of a shady past. A past full of violence and addiction. Things that Tyson had dealt with in the past I knew. Tyson had put in his two cents here and there, but gave nothing away that he was actually angered by my attraction to Craig.
"I can see the attraction in a sense. I can see that you want someone to toss you around and fuck the hell out of you and yes, Craig is a great choice. I think you need more than that. He is dangerous, Leila."
I didn't take his words seriously and maybe that was the cause of the problem. Thinking back over it all, there was another exchange with Tyson since then.
We had gotten into an argument over the wireless signals in the building and how I had bought a password from a neighbor and had swore not to share it. They specifically made me swear not to share it with Tyson and when I refused to give it to him, he snapped. Surely this wasn't about a stupid Internet password, was it? No. It couldn't be. Come on, Leila. You really should quit smoking so that maybe you could remember things!! Oh yes. It had escalated that day in the hallway. He told me that things were changing and he didn't like it. He told me that he didn't like the choices I was making or the person I was becoming. At the time I thought he was crazy and this was just going to be another one of our 'off-weeks.' Afterall, in my opinion, Tyson was the one changing, not me. Tyson was hardly around anymore. He was going through a bunch of shit with his ex and fighting for custody of his daughter. He changed a lot during that time. Suddenly, Tyson's words rang loud and clear in my memory.
"Don't come crying to me when he beats the hell out of you and you see that I was right from the start! I can't stand the thought of that happening, but you obviously don't give a flying fuck about yourself!"
How could I have so easily forgotten that exchange? THAT was the last time that I spoke with Tyson.
Be a dear and don't forget to feed the fish on your way out!
Tyson got a dog. The only reasons I know this is because I can hear it barking when he's not home and I have seen it sitting in the window of his apartment waiting on him. Small thing it is. Not sure the breed. I've heard that he named him Cheese.
He stopped answering my phone calls and text messages and then one day I noticed that he had deleted me from his friends list on that stupid social networking site. That really bothered me. It bothered me for more than one reason. I was bothered because I realized that I didn't even notice when he did that. I was bothered because until then I was unaware that he and I even had an issue, let alone one grand enough to cause him to delete me from his life. I was bothered that it even bothered me. Something so small and stupid as a social networking site signified something so huge and he didn't even have the nuts to come and speak to me about it. What could I have possibly done to merit this exodus without so much as an explanation? What happened to "Will and Grace"?
My mind drifts back to the last vivid memory I have of hanging out with Tyson...he had finally decided to return his empty beer bottle collection and about $20 worth of his collection had been taking up space in my storage unit in the basement for a couple of months. He knocked on my apartment door and I immediately knew who it was from the familiar rapping. He was all out of breath. Hair all messed up. Sweaty. Wearing the same T-shirt I was sure he wore three days before that when I was at his apartment smoking and swearing on his couch while he played video games. I opened my storage unit for him and watched as he loaded up the bed of his buddy's truck with what I guessed was $150 in glass bottle returns. Giving nothing away that something was bothering him. No inkling whatsoever. That was the last time I saw him.
I must have missed something. Scanning my memory banks, I recalled the night a couple days prior to that last encounter. Yes I was sitting on his couch venting about something....but what was it?? Was it something important? Did something I said that night piss him off?? Think, Leila! What was the topic of that last smoking-on-the-couch-and-swearing session? Then it hit me.
"He'll never be any different! People like him just don't change!"
I had just started seeing Craig and was confiding in Tyson all the things about him that I could never tell Pheobe. All the things that only Tyson could possibly understand--only he obviously didn't understand. Craig has a little bit of a shady past. A past full of violence and addiction. Things that Tyson had dealt with in the past I knew. Tyson had put in his two cents here and there, but gave nothing away that he was actually angered by my attraction to Craig.
"I can see the attraction in a sense. I can see that you want someone to toss you around and fuck the hell out of you and yes, Craig is a great choice. I think you need more than that. He is dangerous, Leila."
I didn't take his words seriously and maybe that was the cause of the problem. Thinking back over it all, there was another exchange with Tyson since then.
We had gotten into an argument over the wireless signals in the building and how I had bought a password from a neighbor and had swore not to share it. They specifically made me swear not to share it with Tyson and when I refused to give it to him, he snapped. Surely this wasn't about a stupid Internet password, was it? No. It couldn't be. Come on, Leila. You really should quit smoking so that maybe you could remember things!! Oh yes. It had escalated that day in the hallway. He told me that things were changing and he didn't like it. He told me that he didn't like the choices I was making or the person I was becoming. At the time I thought he was crazy and this was just going to be another one of our 'off-weeks.' Afterall, in my opinion, Tyson was the one changing, not me. Tyson was hardly around anymore. He was going through a bunch of shit with his ex and fighting for custody of his daughter. He changed a lot during that time. Suddenly, Tyson's words rang loud and clear in my memory.
"Don't come crying to me when he beats the hell out of you and you see that I was right from the start! I can't stand the thought of that happening, but you obviously don't give a flying fuck about yourself!"
How could I have so easily forgotten that exchange? THAT was the last time that I spoke with Tyson.
Be a dear and don't forget to feed the fish on your way out!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
The things we put up with for love
Wow...The past three days have really taken me on an emotional roller coaster!! What have I learned from all this??? The streets of a Southern Trailer Park closely resemble the hallways of a Junior High School! Talk about gossip!!! I can't believe that a bunch of grown adults have nothing better to do than to sit around and make things up about their neighbors just to have some drama to save them from boredom! Are you kidding me? So, I found out that the rumor was just a rumor, however, there was some slight truth of a different nature to it. The kind of news that makes your heart sink and question the love and honesty of your significant other. In the end, he DID do something that I do NOT approve of and he DID neglect to tell me about it when it happened. So for that, I was extremely angry! I feel that neglecting to tell someone something for fear that they will become upset with you is just the same as lying to them about it in the first place. Call me old fashioned, whatever....that's just how I feel.
I'm not going to divuldge what it was that happened, but it was awful. I could forgive almost anything other than what was done! In a way, I can say that I am happy it happened as it kind of "snapped" me back into reality. I was still in that "I'm-so-in-love-that-my-baby-could-never-do-anything-wrong-because-he-is-way-too-perfect-and-I-am-way-too-happy" stage. Fact of the matter is that people do mess up and make mistakes. We ARE human afterall. I did forgive him. He did give me the most sincere apology I have ever heard come forth from a man's mouth. I do still have an issue in fully trusting him again, though. It will always be in the back of my mind and I will always wonder if he is being honest about it, but I'm not going to dwell on it. It made me realize that it IS still an issue he is dealing with and even moreso made me realize that it is still an issue in my own life! I knew about it when I met him. He knew about it when he met me. It, honestly, was one of the things that brought us so close so fast. We could confide in each other about it and the things our love for it made us do. We connected over it as we truly understood each other and what each other was going through.
He once told me that I make him want to be a better person and I believe that is why he hides this problem from me---he doesn't want me to think him a failure. He doesn't want to disappoint me, but he forgets how much I actually understand what he is going through. He forgets that I knew who he was when we met and I CHOSE to still get involved with him. I don't think that he has ever experienced a love like the love I have to offer him.
I hate that it happened, but at the same time am glad because now my eyes are open to it. I'm not going to ask him about it everyday even though it will be there in my mind---the curiousity slowly eating away at me. Eventually, I will get over it and accept it. Everyday is a battle. I learned that through my own addiction. Recently, I have even discovered that I am not "all better" by any means. Everyday is a choice for me. So far, everyday I have made the right choice---well with the exception of that one screw up a few months ago. See what I mean, though? How can I be angry with him when I, myself, have done the same thing? Well, not the same thing. I didn't purposely neglect to tell someone about it. I was single at the time and didn't have to worry about it hurting someone other than myself.
Love is blind----but I am not....
Be a dear and don't forget to feed the fish on the way out, would ya? Thanks!
I'm not going to divuldge what it was that happened, but it was awful. I could forgive almost anything other than what was done! In a way, I can say that I am happy it happened as it kind of "snapped" me back into reality. I was still in that "I'm-so-in-love-that-my-baby-could-never-do-anything-wrong-because-he-is-way-too-perfect-and-I-am-way-too-happy" stage. Fact of the matter is that people do mess up and make mistakes. We ARE human afterall. I did forgive him. He did give me the most sincere apology I have ever heard come forth from a man's mouth. I do still have an issue in fully trusting him again, though. It will always be in the back of my mind and I will always wonder if he is being honest about it, but I'm not going to dwell on it. It made me realize that it IS still an issue he is dealing with and even moreso made me realize that it is still an issue in my own life! I knew about it when I met him. He knew about it when he met me. It, honestly, was one of the things that brought us so close so fast. We could confide in each other about it and the things our love for it made us do. We connected over it as we truly understood each other and what each other was going through.
He once told me that I make him want to be a better person and I believe that is why he hides this problem from me---he doesn't want me to think him a failure. He doesn't want to disappoint me, but he forgets how much I actually understand what he is going through. He forgets that I knew who he was when we met and I CHOSE to still get involved with him. I don't think that he has ever experienced a love like the love I have to offer him.
I hate that it happened, but at the same time am glad because now my eyes are open to it. I'm not going to ask him about it everyday even though it will be there in my mind---the curiousity slowly eating away at me. Eventually, I will get over it and accept it. Everyday is a battle. I learned that through my own addiction. Recently, I have even discovered that I am not "all better" by any means. Everyday is a choice for me. So far, everyday I have made the right choice---well with the exception of that one screw up a few months ago. See what I mean, though? How can I be angry with him when I, myself, have done the same thing? Well, not the same thing. I didn't purposely neglect to tell someone about it. I was single at the time and didn't have to worry about it hurting someone other than myself.
Love is blind----but I am not....
Be a dear and don't forget to feed the fish on the way out, would ya? Thanks!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Baby-itis
Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby.
It's all I think about. I thought it was bad when I hit 25. Now, I'm 26 and it just got worse! I know that I would be an awesome Mom! I had the best teacher! My mom totally rocked when I was growing up and now she is like my best friend as an adult. I can't do it on my own that's for sure. I really wish Craig was here. Living 1,000 miles apart isn't going to help me get pregnant either! HA HA HA! I hear him playing with his neices and the other kids and, I'm not going to lie even for a minute, it is the sexiest thing he could do! It actually turns me on! He will be such as awesome father. He already has one child and it kills him that her mother won't let him see her. I can tell it rips him apart.....why are some women like that? They hold such resentment towards the father for all the things that went wrong in their realtionship that they use their child against them. Playing games with custody. Not allowing phone calls. Intercepting birthday cards and presents in the mail. That's a bunch of bogus garbage if you ask me! So what things didn't work out between you two! You still have a child together! That child is still half his! He has the right to be there for her!! I vow at this moment to never be one of those women. There is not reason why two people cannot just simply co-exist and lead separate lives joined only by a child.
i want a boy. I really do. Having a girl scares me. I would rather have a boy. Not really sure why, but that is my gut feeling so I'm going to go with it. I mean, I will still be exstatic if I do get pregnant and it's a girl. I would jsut rather have a boy. The very thought of being pregnant with Craig's child literally takes my breath away and I feel overwhelmed with happiness. I can't wait to be a mom!!!
Thanks for reading and don't forget to feed the fishies on the way out!!
It's all I think about. I thought it was bad when I hit 25. Now, I'm 26 and it just got worse! I know that I would be an awesome Mom! I had the best teacher! My mom totally rocked when I was growing up and now she is like my best friend as an adult. I can't do it on my own that's for sure. I really wish Craig was here. Living 1,000 miles apart isn't going to help me get pregnant either! HA HA HA! I hear him playing with his neices and the other kids and, I'm not going to lie even for a minute, it is the sexiest thing he could do! It actually turns me on! He will be such as awesome father. He already has one child and it kills him that her mother won't let him see her. I can tell it rips him apart.....why are some women like that? They hold such resentment towards the father for all the things that went wrong in their realtionship that they use their child against them. Playing games with custody. Not allowing phone calls. Intercepting birthday cards and presents in the mail. That's a bunch of bogus garbage if you ask me! So what things didn't work out between you two! You still have a child together! That child is still half his! He has the right to be there for her!! I vow at this moment to never be one of those women. There is not reason why two people cannot just simply co-exist and lead separate lives joined only by a child.
i want a boy. I really do. Having a girl scares me. I would rather have a boy. Not really sure why, but that is my gut feeling so I'm going to go with it. I mean, I will still be exstatic if I do get pregnant and it's a girl. I would jsut rather have a boy. The very thought of being pregnant with Craig's child literally takes my breath away and I feel overwhelmed with happiness. I can't wait to be a mom!!!
Thanks for reading and don't forget to feed the fishies on the way out!!
My, my, how quickly things change
Started my second job last week. Yep. That's right. My SECOND job!!!! It, also, is within walking distance from my apartment (like a block and a half) and is only three days a week for six hours a day. Hey. That's about $100/week towards a car!!! Then, this evening I was walking to work and ran into my friend, Frank that happens to own a garage and has a few cars for sale. I started to talk to him about needing a car and he gave me his card and told me to stop into the shop (also on my way to work) and we will work something out. Since I don't have the money at the moment, I'm hoping that he will let me start giving HIM the $100/week towards the purchase of a vehicle. That way, I'm actually going towards my goal without getting into a binding contract that scares the hell out of me. If in the end, I don't end up getting a car through him, he will just cut me a check for the amount that I had already paid. They have a cute little Lexus in the parking lot, but I don't know how to drive a manual transmission car. I've always wanted to learn and think that I would ideally prefer a stick to an automatic.....maybe Taylor can teach me....he always was a little sweet on me! ; )
So, my mother called me on Monday. She's moving to Georgia next Friday. SHOCKER!!!! Last time we spoke, they were looking far an apartment downtown! Now, all of a sudden, things worked out and she's moving to Georgia!?!?!? Then once she gets settled, my Daddy's gonna join her!! Oh how I was not ready for this!!!!! I mean, she told me it was a possibility, but I thought that I would have more time to accept it as a reality---not just a week!! My heart is breaking and I can't stop crying. Only makes it worse that my BF isn't even around to comfort me. I just want a freaking hug! Scratch that--not want, NEED a FREAKING hug!!! What I wouldn't give to feel his strong body wrap around me and hold me while I sob......to hear him whisper, "There, there, baby. You'll be okay" in my ear as his T-shirt catches all my tears. Yes. I would definitly pay good money for that moment. I haven't felt this alone in a long time. To make matters a little worse, his phone is shut off until Friday, so we can only talk when his sister isn't on the phone. There went all our privacy for the week.....
Now with Mom and Daddy for sure moving to Georgia, I feel silly talking my man into moving back here to Michigan. I don't really want to go to Virginia, though. Maybe if I wasn't going to have to move in with his sister it would be different. If only he could get a place for us soon so that I can just move straight into there. That would rock! No use getting my hopes up on that....not as long as he and his brother-in-law are the only ones working. I just wish that there was some fast, easy solution to all of this. I thought that maybe if I could convince him to come back here, things would work out better. I mean, yeah he makes more money down there, but he isn't really saving anything. He might as well be here at his old job making less money and be able to at least save some. Also, I already have a place of my own for him to move into so that would save us some real cash off the get go. No need to have $1,000 saved to get a place with first and last month's rent, you know? With me working two jobs and him working, we would be able to save up money in no time so that we could move somewhere warmer. We both like the idea of Pennsylvania......maybe Georgia if my parents establish some roots there.
That's the other thing that bothers me about my parents moving----it's so far away. What if something happens? Who is going to take care of them? My brothers?? Ha freaking Ha! I wouldn't trust my parent's health in any of their hands!!! All three of them are so selfish! Look what happened when I was in my accident! My parents wanted me to stay with them since my brothers would be home during the day to take care of me.....I ended up doing everything for myself anyway! Could have just stayed home!! I'm going to want to have a baby soon. I know this seems selfish on my part, but I know that when I'm pregnant, I'm going to want my mother near me. There's no way I will make it through a pregnancy without her. My stupid clock is ticking so loudly these days, I know that Craig wants a baby too. Once he and I are in the same place, I know for a fact that we are going to try to have a baby right off the bat. I can't wait! Scared that it's going to be really hard though. I mean, 5 years of unprotected sex with the same man every night didn't knock me up before.....that wasn't meant to be though. Maybe Craig and I are though.....a girl can dream can't she???
Ah..oh well...please remember to feed the fish before you leave....thanks Dearie!
So, my mother called me on Monday. She's moving to Georgia next Friday. SHOCKER!!!! Last time we spoke, they were looking far an apartment downtown! Now, all of a sudden, things worked out and she's moving to Georgia!?!?!? Then once she gets settled, my Daddy's gonna join her!! Oh how I was not ready for this!!!!! I mean, she told me it was a possibility, but I thought that I would have more time to accept it as a reality---not just a week!! My heart is breaking and I can't stop crying. Only makes it worse that my BF isn't even around to comfort me. I just want a freaking hug! Scratch that--not want, NEED a FREAKING hug!!! What I wouldn't give to feel his strong body wrap around me and hold me while I sob......to hear him whisper, "There, there, baby. You'll be okay" in my ear as his T-shirt catches all my tears. Yes. I would definitly pay good money for that moment. I haven't felt this alone in a long time. To make matters a little worse, his phone is shut off until Friday, so we can only talk when his sister isn't on the phone. There went all our privacy for the week.....
Now with Mom and Daddy for sure moving to Georgia, I feel silly talking my man into moving back here to Michigan. I don't really want to go to Virginia, though. Maybe if I wasn't going to have to move in with his sister it would be different. If only he could get a place for us soon so that I can just move straight into there. That would rock! No use getting my hopes up on that....not as long as he and his brother-in-law are the only ones working. I just wish that there was some fast, easy solution to all of this. I thought that maybe if I could convince him to come back here, things would work out better. I mean, yeah he makes more money down there, but he isn't really saving anything. He might as well be here at his old job making less money and be able to at least save some. Also, I already have a place of my own for him to move into so that would save us some real cash off the get go. No need to have $1,000 saved to get a place with first and last month's rent, you know? With me working two jobs and him working, we would be able to save up money in no time so that we could move somewhere warmer. We both like the idea of Pennsylvania......maybe Georgia if my parents establish some roots there.
That's the other thing that bothers me about my parents moving----it's so far away. What if something happens? Who is going to take care of them? My brothers?? Ha freaking Ha! I wouldn't trust my parent's health in any of their hands!!! All three of them are so selfish! Look what happened when I was in my accident! My parents wanted me to stay with them since my brothers would be home during the day to take care of me.....I ended up doing everything for myself anyway! Could have just stayed home!! I'm going to want to have a baby soon. I know this seems selfish on my part, but I know that when I'm pregnant, I'm going to want my mother near me. There's no way I will make it through a pregnancy without her. My stupid clock is ticking so loudly these days, I know that Craig wants a baby too. Once he and I are in the same place, I know for a fact that we are going to try to have a baby right off the bat. I can't wait! Scared that it's going to be really hard though. I mean, 5 years of unprotected sex with the same man every night didn't knock me up before.....that wasn't meant to be though. Maybe Craig and I are though.....a girl can dream can't she???
Ah..oh well...please remember to feed the fish before you leave....thanks Dearie!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Catching up and filling in the blanks...
Wow....it's been awhile, eh?
So now I am at an impass. The man I love lives 1,000 miles away in the great state of Virginia. I live here, in this indecisive hell-hole called Michigan. Common sense says that in order to remedy my lonliness, I need to move to Virginia to be with the man of my dreams, right? I wish it were that simple. If it were, I would be on the next flight to Newport News, VA and kiss this pathetic existence here good-bye forever!! In reality, it isn't that simple---never is in my life.
He moved there for personal reasons and was moving in with his sister and her husband until he was able to save some money for a car of his own and a place to live. Well, three days after he got there, his sister threw out her back and lost her job. That was 4 months ago and she still has yet to find a job or qualify for disability. So, he has been pitching in quite a bit for bills, rent, gas and groceries. Then, two weeks ago, his neice decided that it was time for her to leave her fiance after seven years and six kids! Guess where she ended up!!! YUPPERS!!! Her and three of her children (all under the age of five) moved into the already cramped one bedroom trailer that my man is staying in! So, that's 4 adults and 3 children in this place! So now, not only are they there adding to the expenses, they took over the pullout couch that he sleeps on leaving him to sleep on the floor! AND~~~~~~He and his brother-in-law are the only ones working to support this household of 7! That means no saving on my man's part. He simply cannot afford to help them out and save for a car and a place of his own at the same time. That pushes back me moving down there. I mean, I have no quams sticking it out in a tough situation all for the name of love, but that is a little much! If I were to leave right now and go down there, what good would it do? That would then be 5 adults and 3 kids living in a single bedroom trailer with one vehicle. Even if I were to find a job right away and help put money aside for us to move out, how would I get to and from work? It's already quite the hassel for them to share the car enough as it is! So, I formulated a plan to move there by May 2011. The idea was for me to save for a car and then save an additional $1,500 to move down there in the summer. That seemed totally doable.....until summer came and I find myself spending waaaaaay too much money! There's no way that I am going to be able to afford a reliable car in November! If I don't have a car by then, I can't get my winter job back out in Kingsley as I won't have the transportation. If I don't get that job back, there is no way in hell that I will have the money saved to move! Right now, the job I have is only a mile away from my house and that is totally within walking distance so it works beautifully. Why dont I just keep this job? SIMPLE----it's a seasonal temp job running the desk at a motel. This motel happens to close down every November which was ideal since that is when my other job starts back up!
EY Yi YI YI YI!!! I just want to scream at the mess that my life has so quickly become!
Be a dear and feed the fish before you exit! Thanks bunches!
So now I am at an impass. The man I love lives 1,000 miles away in the great state of Virginia. I live here, in this indecisive hell-hole called Michigan. Common sense says that in order to remedy my lonliness, I need to move to Virginia to be with the man of my dreams, right? I wish it were that simple. If it were, I would be on the next flight to Newport News, VA and kiss this pathetic existence here good-bye forever!! In reality, it isn't that simple---never is in my life.
He moved there for personal reasons and was moving in with his sister and her husband until he was able to save some money for a car of his own and a place to live. Well, three days after he got there, his sister threw out her back and lost her job. That was 4 months ago and she still has yet to find a job or qualify for disability. So, he has been pitching in quite a bit for bills, rent, gas and groceries. Then, two weeks ago, his neice decided that it was time for her to leave her fiance after seven years and six kids! Guess where she ended up!!! YUPPERS!!! Her and three of her children (all under the age of five) moved into the already cramped one bedroom trailer that my man is staying in! So, that's 4 adults and 3 children in this place! So now, not only are they there adding to the expenses, they took over the pullout couch that he sleeps on leaving him to sleep on the floor! AND~~~~~~He and his brother-in-law are the only ones working to support this household of 7! That means no saving on my man's part. He simply cannot afford to help them out and save for a car and a place of his own at the same time. That pushes back me moving down there. I mean, I have no quams sticking it out in a tough situation all for the name of love, but that is a little much! If I were to leave right now and go down there, what good would it do? That would then be 5 adults and 3 kids living in a single bedroom trailer with one vehicle. Even if I were to find a job right away and help put money aside for us to move out, how would I get to and from work? It's already quite the hassel for them to share the car enough as it is! So, I formulated a plan to move there by May 2011. The idea was for me to save for a car and then save an additional $1,500 to move down there in the summer. That seemed totally doable.....until summer came and I find myself spending waaaaaay too much money! There's no way that I am going to be able to afford a reliable car in November! If I don't have a car by then, I can't get my winter job back out in Kingsley as I won't have the transportation. If I don't get that job back, there is no way in hell that I will have the money saved to move! Right now, the job I have is only a mile away from my house and that is totally within walking distance so it works beautifully. Why dont I just keep this job? SIMPLE----it's a seasonal temp job running the desk at a motel. This motel happens to close down every November which was ideal since that is when my other job starts back up!
EY Yi YI YI YI!!! I just want to scream at the mess that my life has so quickly become!
Be a dear and feed the fish before you exit! Thanks bunches!
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