The things we put up with for love

Wow...The past three days have really taken me on an emotional roller coaster!! What have I learned from all this??? The streets of a Southern Trailer Park closely resemble the hallways of a Junior High School! Talk about gossip!!! I can't believe that a bunch of grown adults have nothing better to do than to sit around and make things up about their neighbors just to have some drama to save them from boredom! Are you kidding me? So, I found out that the rumor was just a rumor, however, there was some slight truth of a different nature to it. The kind of news that makes your heart sink and question the love and honesty of your significant other. In the end, he DID do something that I do NOT approve of and he DID neglect to tell me about it when it happened. So for that, I was extremely angry! I feel that neglecting to tell someone something for fear that they will become upset with you is just the same as lying to them about it in the first place. Call me old fashioned, whatever....that's just how I feel.

I'm not going to divuldge what it was that happened, but it was awful. I could forgive almost anything other than what was done! In a way, I can say that I am happy it happened as it kind of "snapped" me back into reality. I was still in that "I'm-so-in-love-that-my-baby-could-never-do-anything-wrong-because-he-is-way-too-perfect-and-I-am-way-too-happy" stage. Fact of the matter is that people do mess up and make mistakes. We ARE human afterall. I did forgive him. He did give me the most sincere apology I have ever heard come forth from a man's mouth. I do still have an issue in fully trusting him again, though. It will always be in the back of my mind and I will always wonder if he is being honest about it, but I'm not going to dwell on it. It made me realize that it IS still an issue he is dealing with and even moreso made me realize that it is still an issue in my own life! I knew about it when I met him. He knew about it when he met me. It, honestly, was one of the things that brought us so close so fast. We could confide in each other about it and the things our love for it made us do. We connected over it as we truly understood each other and what each other was going through.
He once told me that I make him want to be a better person and I believe that is why he hides this problem from me---he doesn't want me to think him a failure. He doesn't want to disappoint me, but he forgets how much I actually understand what he is going through. He forgets that I knew who he was when we met and I CHOSE to still get involved with him. I don't think that he has ever experienced a love like the love I have to offer him.
I hate that it happened, but at the same time am glad because now my eyes are open to it. I'm not going to ask him about it everyday even though it will be there in my mind---the curiousity slowly eating away at me. Eventually, I will get over it and accept it. Everyday is a battle. I learned that through my own addiction. Recently, I have even discovered that I am not "all better" by any means. Everyday is a choice for me. So far, everyday I have made the right choice---well with the exception of that one screw up a few months ago. See what I mean, though? How can I be angry with him when I, myself, have done the same thing? Well, not the same thing. I didn't purposely neglect to tell someone about it. I was single at the time and didn't have to worry about it hurting someone other than myself.
Love is blind----but I am not....


Be a dear and don't forget to feed the fish on the way out, would ya? Thanks!